Subversive Zombies
I was recently reflecting on my current journey through the rabbit hole of life. What were the auspices that brought me to my current world view? Why was it so radically different from the one that I held such a relatively short time ago? Certainly time and experience have dictated paths that I have taken, but more than anything else I have been prodded along by ideas, specifically ones in books.
It is almost a cliche to hear someone say "this book changed my life". I doubt most people have transformative experience with a single volume. I further doubt that most people read any more, to the degree that they are influenced by the written word. It is, however, not uncommon for people to be touched or changed by books. This is the entire purpose of literature in the self help and religious sections. Sadly the only transformation I experience while reading them is from a state of boredom to one of slumber. None-the-less, I really enjoy reading.
A while ago, while talking to my wife I tried to trace my heretical lineage back to the seminal volume that began my whole existential crisis that made me challenge everything. I wondered if it was possible that a singular volume was responsible for laying waste to my whole political, social and cultural belief system. To my astonishment I did trace it back to a sole text that began the cascade of dominoes.
What was even more surprising was the unassuming work which began it all. Though I was prodded by Plato, and awed by Epictitus, they were not the root. Neither was the brilliant dystopia of George Orwell's eerily BYU-like 1984, nor was it the culturally critical works of James Howard Kuntsler. It wasn't Marcus Aurelius, Carl Sagan, Joseph Campbell, Thomas Jefferson, Spinoza, Goethe, Paine, Lewis, or Jung. In the end, the catalyst to my entire shift of thought was a simple, and even frivolous volume known as...
...The Zombie Survival Guide, by Max Brooks.
I suppose some explanation would be beneficial. While I don't believe the aim of Mr. Brook's humorous, yet realistic parody of the survival genre was meant to initiate an existential quandary, that is exactly the effect it had on this reader. Before I opened the machete and rifle crossed cover, I had never questioned my world as it had been presented. I respected authority as having all knowledge, experience and ethics. The status quo was imperfect, but healthy. The way the world ran was pretty good in my assessment, even if, in retrospect, it was tragically tiny.
After concluding the last chapter, and being equipped with the knowledge of which weapons and methods to best dispatch the undead, the wheels in my head began to awaken from their long, dusty slumber. While it was creepily amusing to imagine the lumbering hordes scrambling for my brains as I emptied my clips into their languid skulls, I took things a step further.
I wondered what if? What if we had a regular emergency, like a natural disaster. Am I prepared to take care of myself, or for that matter my new wife? What if i didn't have access to food? Did I know how to grow food, or any plants for that matter.
This led me on my own green revolution, I studied gardening for the first time. Naturally my study into self reliance and gardening led me to study about food supply and origin. There were scary things in those closets. I found books on food policy and that led me into the realm of politics and the sticky business of globalization and social systems.
I found more questions than answers. I questioned my views on war, politics and the environment. I discovered that our insatiable materialistic appetite was killing us and our souls. As my entire archaic world view began to unravel, I realized how many lies and half truths I'd been taught. Then, finally my queries reached the sacred subject of the soul itself. All the questions I had about my own churches colorful history bloomed in radiant splendor before my frenzied mind. The running gears of logic, reason, fact and deduction laid waste to the small remnant of my former world view.
Then, the fateful day arrived, the task was complete. Everything I knew was wrong. Since then I have slowly began to reassemble existence. I like this view much better than the one I had before. I do get more frustrated with the idiocy of mankind, and often shake my fist at the open sky, it's leagues better than slumbering complacency.
So Mr. Brooks thanks for my metamorphosis. However painful it has been and will continue to be, I thank you. So let this be a warning to you all. You may think that Archie and Jughead's antics are benign, or that Hop on Pop is just good ole bear pouncing fun. Reader beware, for you do not know what subversive ideas they may incite!
So, have you read any good books lately?
Posted by Marcus
|
at
8:09 PM
12 comments:
The Internet was the biggest factor in opening my eyes. After finding some online communities consisting of intelligent, rational, and emotionally mature people, I began to appreciate the breadth of experiences, perspectives, and opinions that people can have. I could make a solid argument for something that seemed obviously right to me only to later see someone else's brilliant counter-argument. Most of these people had very compelling world-views and they seemed to be able to back theirs up at least as well or better than I could my own.
When a social issue would become the topic of conversation, I increasingly found that my TBM knee-jerk "this is how it is" perspective failed to measure up to the well-reasoned debates. These people would not tolerate logical fallacies or emotional manipulation. If you disagreed with someone, you were expected to back it up intelligently.
I got used to the intelligent back-and-forths and learned to have a critical eye whenever someone asserts an opinion. I learned to tread carefully on issues that were open to subjective interpretation.
So then of course I started applying this mentality to things I hear at church every Sunday... need I say any more?
I remember before then thinking about how the church leaders told us to get more involved on the Web with our testimonies, and it was always very striking to me the difference between sitting in church and listening to someone's testimony versus reading it on someone's blog. In church it was normal. On the Internet it seemed so trite and vulnerable, like reading a Jared comment amid a philosophical discussion. I also couldn't help but notice that the entire contents of the Ensign also seemed that way. My wife and I once picked up the Ensign back in our TBM days to read an article together and I was horrified at how juvenile and shallow it was. These were supposed to be the words of prophets specifically sent to us from God to guide us like a spiritual compass in these turbulent latter-days, and yet they had no more substance than a typical email fwd that my grandpa-in-law periodically spams the whole family with.
We're still active in the church, and my family doesn't know that I don't believe yet. Reading your story has made me terrified.
Carson,
Like you I have had the experience of having knee jerk reactions to social issues that were influenced by the background in Mormonism.
For example, I had a very good friend who was a liberal atheist, while I was a devout Mormon, but sliding away from Republicanism. During the 2004 election she elaborated on the many reasons and why she was voting for Kerry, citing issues. I simply scoffed, and dismissed him outright. She asked me to give reasons why I didn't like him. All I could come up with was, cause I don't like him. Naturally she didn't accept this.
That experience helped me see reason and the process of a mature discussion. ( I didn't vote for either Bush or Kerry btw). It sounds like you've also had many similar forays. Mormonism seems to encourage that gut visceral feeling as superior to all from of reason.
I'm sorry that the story of my exodus has terrified you. That was not my intent. I wrote it to help myself out, and to reconcile my ill feelings.
I have to say though, I would NEVER go back to my old life. I would never go back to lying to myself to make everyone else happy. My life is so much more rich and vibrant now, that it's a mere shadow of what it once was when I clung to my fearful isolation in cognitive dissonance.
I do mourn my family's reaction, but I realize it comes from a certain fear and immaturity, so I can forgive them. My adventure of self discovery, however scorned by my culture, is of far greater value than living in peaceable stagnation.
I encourage you to go at your own pace and seek what solutions are right for you. Try to be honest and fair with yourself though, you deserve that much.
I really enjoyed and could relate to this post. Although I don't think it was a book that *first* turned my trajectory outward...Oscar & Lucinda had a PROFOUND effect on me (it was scary how much I could relate to Oscar, an intensely religious compulsive gambler), as did Life of Pi. Both works of fiction helped fuel the fire of my growing dissatisfaction with the worldview I'd been given. Later I read One of Ours which helped seal the deal, just around the time I stopped going to church.
Ideas are very powerful, even when presented seemingly for entertainment's sake!
The books "1491" and "Guns, Germs and Steel" were eye-openers for me.
Sarah,
I 've been wanting to read Life Of Pi for a long time now. I guess I'll have to now :D
Michael,
I love both of those books, and have read them with great interest. History is one of my loves, especially pre Colombian History of the Americas. The TV special on Guns Germs and Steel was pretty good too.
What an awesome, awesome post. Hilarious and smart. Thank you.
I agree that Guns Germs and Steel was a pivotal book for me. It helped me to see that humans are very much a product of geography.
Probably the best book I have ever read was "The Red Queen" - it explains "why sex" better than anything I have ever heard of. It even has a chapter on polygamy (and yes, JS does get a mention in it). It is a biology book, but answered so many questions for me about human behavior and motivation. I learned more reading that book about men, women, cultures and myself than I did in 30 years of reading the Book of Mormon.
I've yet to read Zombie Survival Guide but I loved World War Z. Great post!
I'm reading 1491 right now. It's awesome and has really opened my eyes to some major differences between scientific Meso-American history and Book of Mormon Meso-American history.
My journey began with the internet also. It started when Mitt Romney ran for president and the noise about Mormonism was everywhere. I began hearing things I had never heard before and I wanted to investigate so that I could answer any questions and defend criticisms of my faith. To fully investigate I read Joseph Smith: Rough Stone Rolling and absorbed one shock after another. It has been quite a journey.
I find it Ironic Marcus, that a book about Zombies liberated you from a Zombie faith lol.
Susan
I'll ahve to read The Red Queen, it sounds facinating.
Jer,
I've also read world war Z its one of my favorites as well.
Happy Lost Sheep,
I never really realized the irony until now, thakns for pointing thast out. :D
Oh, and sorry for my incapacity for correct spelling once again.
Marvellous post.
Post a Comment